After almost two years of starting our adoption journey..and 4 ½ months of being matched with our little boy, we just found out that our case was one that had messed up. Long story short, there were kinks in the Indian database that agencies use to match families w/children, which ultimately caused multiple families to be matched with SEVERAL children. So a committee went through and determined which family should have each child. We were initially told our case was different and more than likely we wouldn’t encounter the same scenario….but we just learned that we were denied and our baby boy would be placed with another family.
Needless to say, I am devastated and completely heart broken. I hope our story doesn’t discourage others from adopting because this is a rare occurrence and from our understanding, they’ve remedied the issues with their database. But I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt.
To lose a child I fell in love with, prayed for several times a day, dreamt of constantly, waited for anxiously…..and yet never had the opportunity to meet or hold in my arms. I always wondered what he was up to…and would catch glimpses of him from the time I woke up until I went to bed…Guess I got so emotionally attached and prepared to bring him home that I wasn’t ready for the news that awaited us.
We even named him… Ethan (means strong and optimistic, solid and enduring, permanent). I believe with all my heart that’s what he’ll be…strong, solid, able to endure anything with a positive outlook. I can’t pretend to understand everything God does and why things happen sometimes but I don’t doubt for a second that God knows best and I choose to trust his sovereignty. It brings to mind what our pastor preached on a few weeks ago and I remind myself that even in the storm, I know who is in my boat! So no matter how painful or crummy the situation is, we know who is with us and HE has the power to still the storm.
Well Ethan, I am grateful to God for bringing you into our lives the last few months. I know you’ll be introduced to Jesus one day and you’ll be loved on and taken care of. Little do you know that there’s a family across the globe that has a picture of you! You’ve left an impression on our hearts that can’t be described.
You may never know or meet us but you’ve had a whole family praying for you everyday…that God would bring you home. And I believe you will be home soon…wherever home may be.
Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
