I’m Guilty

May 30, 2020 /
I am guilty. 
 
With everything going on in our country, I thought about what I should communicate with my kids. You see, I’m an Asian American, specifically of East Indian heritage. I was born in New York with immigrant parents. Growing up, my siblings and I were told that since we were born here, we could do what they couldn’t. I remember how my dad would tell us, “You can be the President because you are born here. Language and education are not a barrier for you.” But somehow I was led to believe that white people are smarter and better.
 
My parents could say one thing but they didn’t realize that their actions spoke louder than words. They were very careful to keep their head down, stay away from any attention, always work hard, smile at everyone, and keep the peace.  I believe as a result, throughout my life, I’ve felt inferior. Sure, I’ve had a few statements of discrimination flung at me and have been followed around in stores while shopping, but I was careful to always follow what my parents modeled. Even though America was my home, being Asian meant that I should work hard, stay silent, and keep the peace. It didn’t matter if that meant my opinions didn’t count, that I had to go last, or that I had to give in to whatever others did or said. It also didn’t matter if wrongs were happening all around me. I would keep silent and turn a blind eye so I don’t get caught in the middle. 
 
So in talking to my kids, I wasn’t quite sure how to approach the current news. After all, my kids are fully aware they are a minority. They are still confused as to which crayon should be their skin color since ‘nude’ doesn’t quite seem to match up. I’ve realized I needed to talk about it all. All of it. How they are who God created them to be, with all their differences. They are good enough, wise enough, and strong enough. They are American AND they are Indian but first and foremost, they are children of God.
 
Our Creator loves diversity! He made so many different kinds of people – with different skin, different talents, different looks, experiences, history, and stories. All of us reflect a part of who God is. We are created in His image. And right now, our black brothers and sisters are scared, angry, and hurt. We’ve had a number of stories that have led to death and that’s not ok.
 
Just because we may be shy doesn’t give us the excuse to stay silent. As followers of Christ, we are responsible to always stand up for what’s right. God has given us the boldness and the courage to always fight for those that are treated unfairly. If you are an Asian American, I hope you read this post and know that regardless of where you fit in this circle, you have a responsibility too. A responsibility to pray, speak up, and love in action. 
 
As I write this post, I am hit by the realization that in a way, I’m guilty. I’m guilty of being like that Asian cop, the one who stood watching his colleague suffocate George Floyd to death, the one who stood in silence and did nothing. And that’s gotta change. That change starts with me. 

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16 Comments

  • Pamela

    June 8, 2020 at 10:24 am Reply

    Thank you for honestly conveying your heart. I’m guilty, too. May God give us strength to “do righteousness.”

  • Heather

    June 6, 2020 at 8:08 am Reply

    Thank you, Meryl, for sharing your family’s struggle and your vulnerable bravery. You are the reason that America is still a place of hope and enduring freedom. You are absolutely right that we all, despite our heritage, must actively take a stand in alliance with all people of color. We MUST lift them up so their voices may finally be heard. We must support them high above all the distracting violence so the REAL message of racial injustice can be clearly exposed.

    If we don’t take action, we are immediately a part of the problem.

  • Brian Russell

    June 5, 2020 at 7:50 pm Reply

    Thanks for sharing your heart in such a vulnerable way Meryl. You’re modeling the posture that so many of us need to have and your challenge resonates.

  • Rafael

    June 5, 2020 at 7:39 pm Reply

    Man so powerful and well said. I too can relate to this on so many levels. Thank you for sharing from the heart!

  • Monisha

    June 5, 2020 at 1:00 pm Reply

    Guilty but speaking out! Thank you for sharing so candidly from your life. It gave me so much new insight into my own family. The truth will always set free.

  • Kathleen Kennedy

    June 5, 2020 at 12:50 pm Reply

    So profound and beautifully and eloquently said! Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your heart!

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